Struggling with Your Soul and Purpose

So today I feel like I'm struggling with God, wrestling with him... though in Jacob's story Jacob wins, So what does that mean? Jacob struggled to keep his faith in tact holding on to wanting to be blessed despite the lengthy struggle and even physical pain.  Such a small excerpt that many have expanded on and I can see why.
I'm confused so much because I don't want "a blessing" much less struggle for it and go through pain, but the purpose God has instilled in my heart is so much stronger than my need to escape pain and suffering. But that doesn't mean I want it!
That's where the Psalms come in. I love Proverbs, so full of practical information easy life application; but the Psalms capture the essence of human emotion so well.
  I yell out to my God, I yell with all my might, I yell at the top of my lungs. He listens. ^2-6 I found myself in trouble and went looking for my Lord;  my life was an open wound that wouldn't heal. 
  When friends said, "Everything will turn out all right," I didn't believe a word they said. 
 I remember God—and shake my head. I bow my head—then wring my hands. 
 I'm awake all night—not a wink of sleep; I can't even say what's bothering me. I go over the days one by one, I ponder the years gone by. 
  I strum my lute all through the night, wondering how to get my life together.

LORD, hear my prayer,  listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness  come to my relief.  ² Do not bring your servant into judgment,  for no one living is righteous before you. 
³ The enemy pursues me, he crushes me to the ground; he makes me dwell in the darkness  like those long dead. ⁴ So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed. 

That is how I feel right now. I cry out to the Lord to answer my prayers and show me the way, but also for me to allow my heart to listen and trust in Him.



Psalm 77 (The Message)
Psalm 143 (NIV)
Hosea 12:2-4(NIV)
Gen 32:24-26